The Celtic e-Pulse on Healthcare

Dealing With Holiday Grief

Hard to believe, but it's upon us again; these crazy last weeks of the year filled with more than we can possibly keep up with. Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Years, to name the biggies. In addition, for many there are also birthdays, anniversaries and other memorable dates that are penciled in on the calendar.

Holidays have a special place in every culture. Holidays encourage remembering. Whether it's a wedding anniversary, a significant religious event, a national event or a personal one, holidays and special days keep alive memories that are precious and dear to us. Holidays also mark the passing of a year and more importantly they unite us. Families often are reunited, church or temple is full and often relationships with those we haven't seen in some time are renewed. If you're fortunate enough to actually have some time off during the holidays, they also provide for us time to revive and renew.

	Yet not everyone will be celebrating in the upcoming weeks. Around us are many who are in the midst of loss, whether in the form of unexpected unemployment, divorce, receiving a terminal diagnosis, broken relationships, or the death of someone close.
The holiday season that for so many brings great joy and celebration, for others will be a difficult and painful experience. What a sharp distinction to this season will be the grief and tears that some will experience this holiday season. In addition, holidays often have religious significance, but instead of encouraging and celebrating faith, some will find their faith challenged and God may seem distant and silent. How do those of us who look forward to the holidays best help those experiencing this holiday grief? I've summed it up under five different headings for myself, perhaps these will help you as you joy in the holidays while helping those who are hurting:
Remember • Remember that the expression of grief is unique, just as each of us are unique. • Remember that what helped us through grief may not help others. • Remember that we cannot assume how a person is doing unless we ask, don't be afraid to ask about a person's grief journey. • Remember that we can only help if we are available, it may cost us, but the gift of availability is priceless. • Remember, grief takes time, we must be patient, willing to bear this difficult journey with them.
Listen • We have one mouth and two ears for a reason! • Listen without changing the subject or being afraid of tears. • Listen no matter where the conversation may lead.
Support • Support by being willing to attend a holiday event with the person that they want to attend. • Support by helping to accomplish holiday traditions that are important to them. • Support their joy, laughter and happiness, remind them that this does not betray their grief or loss. Encourage • Encourage them to embrace their grief. Remind them that it's ok to cry when others are laughing. • Encourage writing a letter to their loved one expressing their joy and pain. • Encourage self care, grief is exhausting physically, emotionally and spiritually. • Encourage the giving of time or service to help others.
Hug • Hugs often communicate more than words could ever hope to.
The holidays are wonderful times, healthy times, joyful times and yet in the midst of grief they can be painfully difficult. If there is someone around you that has experienced significant loss recently, you may be the one placed in their life to listen, support, encourage and hug them. We cannot take away the pain of grief but we can help to shoulder the load, hearten the weary and make the path through this holiday season a bit easier to walk. Contributed by: Pastor Tim Wheeler, MDiv Chaplain and Bereavement Care Coordinator Celtic Healthcare and Hospice, Carlisle
All of us at Celtic Healthcare join in wishing you a happy holiday season and a prosperous new year.